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Am I Self-Sabotaging? How To Tell and How To Stop

A frustrating day on the job can leave you wondering why things are so difficult. You might even wonder if you’re causing your own problems. Do you ever ask yourself, “Do I self-sabotage? Do I put myself in situations where I’m set up for failure?”

Self-sabotage is common, and for some, it’s a behavior and habit that’s hard to ignore, especially when it contributes to not achieving your goals or enjoying a happy, healthy lifestyle.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

You may realize you’re playing a part in your frustration or lack of progress, but you don’t have a name for it. Self-sabotage occurs when you create an obstacle that impacts your ability to reach a goal you’ve set. Some of the most common behaviors that could be classified as self-sabotage include:

  • Self-medication using alcohol or drugs
  • Procrastinating to accomplish tasks
  • Self-injury
  • Comfort eating
  • Making projects or tasks more complicated than they should be
  • Not taking action right away

Many people don’t recognize self-sabotaging behavior in themselves. But you may see the connection between your actions and behavior and the outcome over time. You might think, “If only I would have done it this way” or “I have to stop this!”

 

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Signs of Self-Sabotage: What Are They and How to Spot Them

Recognizing potential signs of self-sabotage can help you make better choices. If you’re actually engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, you can learn how to make changes to minimize negative outcomes. Here are some of the most common signs of self-sabotage:

Walking Away From a Problem

Some people become frustrated and give up instead of trying to determine what went wrong. This often means all the effort you put into a project is wasted. Look back on what happened. Did you put in the effort and follow the plan? Doubts about your ability could be a core reason you’re so willing to walk away instead of working on a solution.

Negative Self-Talk

One of the most common signs of self-sabotage is how you talk about yourself or the words you use when thinking about yourself. For example, statements such as “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m so stupid” often indicate a lack of faith and confidence.

Blaming Others

Quite commonly, people who self-sabotage blame others for what went wrong. It could be no one’s fault, but those who engage in this type of behavior often find someone to blame. Not being able to recognize your role in the situation and make healthier, better decisions in the future just repeats the pattern of poor outcomes.

Procrastination

Putting things off until the last minute is a type of self-sabotage. You might push a task or project to the side and look for other things that seem more important, or you may reach for anything as a distraction to avoid a difficult decision. Procrastination can be a sign of stress or worry, but it may also be a sign of doubting your ability or being unable to manage time wisely. Self-discipline isn’t an inborn trait; it’s a learned skill.

Boredom and Lack of Focus

In some situations, self-sabotage occurs for a very simple reason: You’re bored. You don’t like what you’re doing, it’s not intellectually or emotionally stimulating, and you can’t focus on it. It could be that you find someone on your team annoying. Maybe they’re pushing your buttons or not contributing, or maybe the task is just dull and boring. Regardless, not getting it done often means you’re self-sabotaging because you won’t finish the job or do it well.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

If you recognize any of these signs of self-sabotage, take a step back. You can fix this, and you can learn to master your ability to work through difficult situations to create a better outcome. Consider these strategies:

Stop Criticizing Yourself

Self-criticism doesn’t have an easy fix, but it’s critical to minimize it if you want to reach your long-term goals. Instead of saying or thinking negative things, spin them around into something good. You may want to say, “I am so bad at this.” Instead, say, “I don’t have the skills yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

Get More Confidence Through Education

In some cases, you’re unable to reach a goal because you lack the skills. Change that. Find a way to increase your skills, such as through a leadership course, or invest in a program that focuses on building confidence.

Master Procrastination-Busting Skills

It’s easier said than done, especially when your mind is going in numerous directions at one time. But stopping self-sabotage is all about becoming self-aware. When you notice yourself becoming distracted, stop, reflect, and get back on track. Use timers to help you zone in for a specific period to accomplish tasks. Stop thinking about what you have to do and force yourself to do it. It is possible to change your habits.

Build Confidence in Yourself

Imposter syndrome, as defined by Psychology Today, is often a form of self-sabotage. It’s the feeling that you can’t possibly do the job that only other people do, or that you’re a fake, a pretender. When you don’t feel the confidence to complete the project, manage the team, or run the business, ask yourself why. Do you need more training and development? Do you have evidence of past success that should spur confidence in your ability now? Remind yourself every day of what you’ve already accomplished.

Invest in Yourself to Overcome Limitations

Ask yourself this question and jot down the answer. “Do I self-sabotage?” If you’re setting yourself up for failure, identify the specific behaviors and change them for the better.

At The Eighth Mile, we offer solutions to help you reinvent yourself and achieve a better outcome. If you’re self-sabotaging, isn’t it about time to try something different? Reach out to us today and learn more about your best path forward.

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Beyond Reinventing Yourself: The Journey Continues

The process of reinventing yourself is a challenging but rewarding journey. If you’ve read the previous articles in this series, you know that it requires a great deal of introspection, hard work, and determination to identify what you want to achieve, the changes you want to make, and what you can do to support your goals both now and in the future. But what happens once you’ve put in all that effort? How do you preserve the changes you’ve made, create new aspirations and milestones, support your goals, and stay the course on this journey of self-improvement?

This is the fourth post in our 4-part series, Reinventing Yourself. The first three posts focused on the process of reinvention itself, while this last post offers guidance for setting up other areas of your life that will help support your goals.

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The Keys to Continuous Improvement in Support of Your Goals

Willpower is a much stronger beast without temptation. If you’ve ever rid your home of sugary sweets to help you stick to a diet, and your roommates replenished the stash, then you know this to be true.

A key to maintaining your progress is setting up areas of your life to support your goals. Sustaining progress in specific areas often requires letting others know your intentions, such as telling roommates your plans so they can help support your goals and not unintentionally undermine your efforts.

Healthy Living

According to research in the British Medical Journal (BMJ) listed in the National Library of Medicine, maintaining a healthy lifestyle can improve your physical well-being, boost your mental health, and improve your emotional well-being. In addition to taking care of your body, it’s also important to surround yourself with a supportive circle of peers. Surrounding yourself with positive, encouraging people can provide motivation and encouragement as you work to support your goals.

Education and Career

Reinventing yourself isn’t a journey that ends when you reach your destination. It’s a path that you walk for the rest of your life. Along that path, your education and career goals are important. Setting clear goals in both arenas helps keep you focused and motivated.

As we mentioned in Part 3 of this series, SMART goals help you break down your long-term objectives into more manageable tasks and track your progress along the way. Building a strong foundation in these and other areas of your life better equip you to handle the challenges ahead.

Leadership training can also help you learn how to direct yourself. Maintaining momentum on your journey of self-improvement includes setting boundaries, growing into the new “you,” staying positive, and burning your old “ships” that could threaten the progress that supports your goals.

Setting Boundaries

Setting clear. firm boundaries — with others and with yourself — will protect your progress. These boundaries might involve saying no to commitments that don’t support your goals, setting aside dedicated time for self-care and reflection, or implementing self-discipline in other areas, such as time management or budgeting your finances. Healthy boundaries can help support your goals and prevent you from getting overwhelmed or burned out.

Remember to be mindful of the energy you give to others too. Surrounding yourself with friends and family who strengthen you and support your goals is important, as is being mindful of any toxic or “vampiric” relationships in your life. Setting boundaries with these individuals helps preserve your strength, protect your energy, and support your goals.

Growth and Positivity

Continuing to identify opportunities for your growth in personal and professional endeavors is another crucial component of a successful reinvention journey. This might involve seeking new learning experiences, setting achievable goals that challenge your comfort zone, and cultivating positive habits such as gratitude and mindfulness. Engaging in personal development activities can help you continue to grow and improve, offering a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.

In addition to actively seeking growth opportunities, cultivating a positive mindset enables you to reframe your situation. It can even help you reframe your entire life. Developing a positive frame of mind to support your goals might involve practicing gratitude, focusing on the present moment, and rethinking negative thoughts in a positive light. By focusing on the positive and keeping your eyes trained on growth, you set yourself up for success and improved well-being.

Burn Your Ships (But Not Your Bridges)

When Hernán Cortés first landed on the shores of Montezuma, he made an unthinkable decision: he burned his ships. Some historical accounts say he merely dismantled the ships to reassemble them later. Others claim he secretly sent some of his men back to drill holes in the hull, effectively sinking them. Either way, his actions spoke volumes: there was no direction but forward.

Embarking on a reinvention journey is much the same. There’s no turning back now. Reinvention is about stepping into a new life, with new choices and opportunities. You cannot allow yourself to backslide into your old routines. This journey can spur the temptation to cut all ties with your past and leave it all behind. Letting go of negative influences and old habits is great, but maintaining healthy relationships and being open to learning from your past experiences is also beneficial. By “burning your ships” and committing fully to your new path, you’re simply cutting out the bad so the good can prosper — cutting out the weeds so your garden can grow.

However, as you set fire to your ships, it’s important not to set your bridges ablaze in the process. Letting go of the negative influences from your past is necessary. But you likely have many positive relationships you’d rather not lose.  By maintaining healthy relationships and consistently making forward strides, you can continue to grow and learn from your experiences. You might also consider finding an accountability partner or mentor who can help keep you on track and support your goals.

Start Your Reinvention Journey Today

Congratulations on reaching this point on the challenging yet rewarding path to reinvention. By focusing on behaviors and activities that support your goals, you can maintain your positive change.

Want to continue your reinvention journey with support from people who know what it takes? Reach out to learn more or to enroll in our new Reinvent Yourself course today.

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Reinvent Yourself, Part 3: Your Reinvention Roadmap

Do you ever wonder why you feel stagnant? Or alternatively, are you a kettle about to boil over? Have you ever considered learning how to reinvent yourself?

Part 3 in our Reinvent Yourself series discusses the role that motivation and discipline play in the reinvention process. Specifically, we’ll explore the difference between being driven by what we’re running from and being motivated by what we’re running toward.

We also introduce a reinvention strategy roadmap to help guide you while learning how to reinvent yourself. Whether you’re looking to make a major career change or simply want to refresh your personal goals, here you’ll find all the tools and insights you need to make meaningful progress toward your aspirations.

This is Part 3 in our 4-part Reinvent Yourself series.

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Motivation vs. Discipline

Part of learning how to reinvent yourself involves understanding motivation and discipline. Motivation and discipline are sometimes viewed as opposites, yet they’re also closely linked. But what do these terms mean, exactly?

Motivation is what drives you to take action.

Discipline is your ability to consistently follow through on that action, even when you don’t feel motivated.

A primary difference between motivation and discipline is:

  • Motivation is often driven by external factors, such as rewards or incentives. Motivation can come and go, and our moods, surroundings, and circumstances can influence it.
  • Discipline is an internal characteristic. Discipline is a trait that is built into the fabric of each person’s character. It helps us stick to our goals and commitments, even when facing obstacles or distractions.

As far as similarities, motivation and discipline both require:

  • Self-control
  • Determination
  • Setting clear goals
  • Planning to achieve those goals

Motivation and discipline are closely related and work together in tandem to help us achieve our goals. Motivation can provide the initial spark that gets us started, while discipline helps us stay the course and see things through to the end — no matter how bumpy the road might get.

But what actually drives you toward a goal — toward change — and what motivates you to keep chasing it? Understanding yourself and assessing your motives and discipline (or lack thereof) is crucial. The key to success is finding the balance between motivation and discipline. It’s important to have the initial drive to take action, but it’s equally important to have the discipline to focus and follow through. This is how you reinvent yourself by setting up long-term success and accomplishing the things you truly desire.

5-Step Reinvent Yourself Strategy — The Roadmap to Success

The concept of reinvention isn’t new; people and businesses have been reinventing themselves for centuries to adapt to and remain relevant in changing circumstances. However, in today’s fast-paced, constantly evolving social and business spheres, the need for reinvention has become even more pressing. Whether you’re an individual looking to pivot your career or a business owner trying to stay ahead of your competition, a clear, concise reinvention roadmap is crucial.

Step 1: Setting SMART Goals

You’ve likely heard this term before: SMART goals. But what does that mean? Why are they smart? SMART is an apropos name for this type of goal because they’re:

  • Specific: Can you visualize and describe exactly what you’re working toward and why it’s important in your overall reinvention plan? Be specific.
  • Measurable: Start with your desired result and work backward. What needs to happen right before you reach your goal? And right before that? Keep brainstorming each preceding event till you arrive where you are right now. Write each of these tasks or accomplishments in the correct order. You now have a specific goal, measurable in milestones.
  • Attainable: Review the milestones. Are they realistic tasks you can accomplish?
  • Relevant: Are your milestones (and your overall goal) relevant to your new direction? Your reinvented self?
  • Time-Bound: Set a date to accomplish the goal and ensure each milestone can realistically be achieved within that timeframe.

As you set and achieve goals, each act of completion rewards your motivation and improves your self-discipline.

Step 2: Incorporate Both Motivation and Discipline as Tools to Achieve These Goals

Motivation drives you to pursue goals and can come from internal or external sources, while discipline is your innate ability to follow through on those goals. Both motivation and discipline are essential in your reinvention journey.

Without motivation and discipline, it’s easy to get sidetracked or give up in the face of obstacles. Where your motivation and discipline meet is at the intersection of positive and negative reinforcement.

Motivation and positive reinforcement work hand in hand. you have a desire that’s pulling you toward a goal. Your desire to meet that goal is your motivation. As you meet small milestones along the way, you might reward yourself (positive reinforcement), which pushes you to keep going to the next milestone, and so on.

But sometimes, motivation fails. Perhaps you’ve become so bogged down in the day-to-day grind that you’ve lost sight of your goals. This is where discipline and a bit of negative reinforcement come into play. If you’ve lost sight of what you’re aiming for, remembering what you’re trying to run from may help. If you stop working toward your goal, what will happen? Will you fall back into back habits or land yourself in a bad situation? It’s not as pleasant as motivation, but this negative reinforcement can provide you with the extra boost you may need to refocus yourself on both what your goal is and why you’re trying to get there.

By following your reinvention roadmap, you can stay on track for achievement. And that’s easy to do if you’re consistently motivated, always working toward your goals, and ticking off the boxes on your way to achievement.

Step 3: Acknowledge Your Fears and Use Them to Stay Focused

It’s natural to feel fear or uncertainty when embarking on a journey of reinvention. However, it’s important to recognize that fears can hold you back from reaching your full potential. By acknowledging your fears and using them as motivation to stay focused, you can overcome any obstacles. Consider developing strategies for managing your fears, such as mindfulness techniques or seeking support from friends and loved ones. By actively addressing your fears, you can use them as tools to stay focused on achieving your reinvention goals.

Step 4: Accept Failure as a Learning Tool

No journey is without its setbacks and failures, and your road to reinvent yourself is no exception. Failure is a natural part of the process and can be an opportunity to learn and grow. By accepting failure as a learning tool, you can use it as a source of motivation to try again and do better next time. Reframe your perspective on failure and use it to set better goals, all while seeking feedback as you go.

Step 5: Celebrate the Small Wins

Understanding how to reinvent yourself and putting each step into motion can be challenging, but taking time to celebrate your progress and milestone accomplishments along the way is important. It helps you see that all your work isn’t for nothing. Recognizing and celebrating the small wins builds your momentum toward your larger goals. This can involve setting small, achievable milestones and taking time to appreciate how far you’ve come, no matter how small the accomplishment may seem.

Reinvent Yourself With Guidance from The Eighth Mile

Keep this reinvention roadmap top of mind as you learn how to reinvent yourself. For additional guidance, consider Eighth Mile Consulting’s Reinvent Yourself course. This comprehensive course covers everything you need to know to effectively change direction, reinvent yourself, and achieve your goals.

Want to achieve your full potential?

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Reinvent Yourself, Part 2: How to Change Your Habits

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a rut, feeling like you’re just going through the motions of your daily routine without any real purpose or direction? It’s a common feeling, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent state. In fact, knowing how to change habits by reinventing your habits can help you create a new and improved version of yourself that’s more in line with your goals and values.

But can you learn how to change your habits? It all starts with a willingness to change and a desire to improve. From there, you can follow these steps:

  • Identify the habits you want to change
  • Set specific and achievable goals
  • Make a plan
  • Be consistent
  • Stay flexible
  • Celebrate your progress

This is Part 2 in our 4-part Reinvent Yourself series.

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How to Change Habits by Evaluating Your Habits

Changing habits can be challenging, but it’s possible with the right mindset and approach. The first thing you must do is evaluate your current habits and determine whether they’re helping you or not.

Are Your Habits Helpful?

How do your habits influence your life? Here are a few ways to determine if your habits are helping you:

  • Aligning with your values and goals: If a habit doesn’t align with your values and goals, it’s not helping you.
  • Consider the consequences: Does it positively or negatively impact your life? If the habit has a negative impact, it’s likely not helping you.
  • Pay attention to how you feel: If a habit makes you feel good, it might help you. If it makes you feel stressed or anxious, it’s probably one you’ll want to change.
  • Evaluate your progress: If you’re making progress and feel good about your direction, your habits are likely helping you. If you’re not making progress or feel stuck, it might be time to learn how to change your habits.

Whether a habit helps you depends on your individual goals and values. It’s important to regularly evaluate your habits and make adjustments to ensure they’re supporting you on your path to success.

Making A Habit (Almost) Involuntary

Habits become almost involuntary through a process called habit formation, which occurs when behavior becomes automatic and no longer requires conscious thought. This process happens through repetition and reinforcement.

  • Repetition: When you engage in a behavior repeatedly, your brain begins to create neural pathways that make it easier to perform that behavior. The more you repeat a behavior, the stronger these pathways become, and the more automatic the behavior becomes.
  • Reinforcement: Reinforcement occurs when you’re rewarded for engaging in a behavior. The more you’re reinforced for engaging in a behavior, the more likely it is to become a habit.

Eventually, the behavior becomes so ingrained that it becomes almost — but not completely — involuntary.

You can turn good habits into almost involuntary behaviors by consistently practicing good habits and reinforcing them with rewards. New habits can replace old ones that aren’t supporting you and your goals.

Reinforcing Positive Habits

You can use several strategies to reinforce positive habits:

  • Stay motivated with achievable goals: Setting achievable goals can help you stay motivated and focused on your positive habits. Make sure to break your goals down into smaller, more manageable steps to make the process easier.
  • Celebrate your progress: Take time to celebrate your progress as you work to establish your positive habits. This could be as simple as treating yourself to something you enjoy or sharing your progress with a friend or family member.
  • Find accountability: Consider enlisting the help of a friend or family member to hold you accountable and encourage you while learning how to change habits and establish new, positive habits.
  • Use rewards: When you reach a desired outcome or milestone, reward yourself with a special treat, a little extra free time, or a special outing.
  • Track your progress: Tracking your progress can help you see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve improved. Consider using a journal, app, or spreadsheet to track your progress.

By consistently reinforcing your positive habits, you can make them more automatic and ingrained in your daily routine.

How to Change Habits By Addressing The Bad Ones

Breaking the cycle of bad habits can be an even bigger challenge than establishing good ones, but it’s possible with the right mindset and approach. Here are some strategies you can use to address and break the bad habit cycle by learning how to change habits:

  • Identify the triggers: Certain environmental cues or stimuli often trigger habits. Identifying the triggers for your habits can help you understand what prompts you to engage in that behavior. Once you know the triggers, you can try to modify them or find ways to avoid them.
  • Seek support: Changing habits can be easier when you have the support of others. Consider enlisting the help of a friend or family member to help you stay on track or seek guidance from a professional, such as a coach or therapist.
  • Be consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to breaking bad habits. Make an effort to practice your new habit every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes at a time.
  • Practice self-compassion: It’s important to be patient with yourself while you’re learning how to change habits and remember that changing takes time and effort. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up or have a setback. Instead, focus on the progress you’ve made and be kind to yourself as you work to break the cycle of bad habits.

Final Thoughts

Learning how to change habits can be a difficult process, but it’s also a rewarding one. By making small, consistent changes, you can create a new and improved version of yourself that aligns with your goals and values.

Learn how to change habits and start reinventing yourself today with the Eighth Mile. Enroll in the Reinvent Yourself course and see the amazing transformation you can make in your life.

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Reinvent Yourself, Part 1: Know the Problem

This is the first in our four-part series on reinventing yourself.

Reinventing yourself involves taking a step back to reflect on who you are and what you want to achieve in life, and then taking action to make those goals a reality. It can be a time of self-discovery, a time to ask, “What are my values?” as you shed old habits and ways of thinking and embrace new opportunities and challenges for personal growth. Ask yourself: “What are my values? What do I want? Do I want to make a career change, or is it something deeper?”

Whether you’re looking to make a career change, pursue a new hobby, or simply become a better version of yourself, reinvention requires determination, self-awareness, and willingness to take risks. With the right mindset and approach, anyone can embark on this journey, make a career change — or a soul-level change — and create a brighter, more fulfilling future for themselves.

The first step in this process is to understand your current position and determine if you genuinely want to change. In other words, you need to know the problem.

Start by assessing the situation. What is the problem? What opportunities are available? What are your values? You should also seek out alternate frames of reference to help you understand the issues you’re facing or the aspects of yourself you want to improve or change. Remember, you can only grow when you’re challenged internally or externally, so embracing this opportunity for change can be an important step in your personal development.

If you want to make a career change or you’re considering making an overall change in your life, here are some steps to help you get started.

Identify The Reason For Wanting to Change

Is it an internal desire for personal growth or an external factor that’s driving the desire for transformation? Understanding the root cause of your desire to change can help you stay motivated and focused on your goals.

Another important factor to consider is how you want to be remembered. Ask yourself again, “What are my values?” What is your legacy, and how do you want others to remember you? Identifying why you want to change can help guide your choices, give you a long-term perspective, and help you develop a sense of perspective outside yourself. It can also inspire you to become a better version of yourself.

 

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Set Specific, Achievable Goals

Once you know the reason for wanting to change, you must set goals for what you want to accomplish. This might involve identifying specific areas of your life that you want to change or improve, such as your career, job skills, relationships, or personal habits. Set both long-term and short-term goals to help you stay on track and measure your progress. And don’t forget to break down your goals into actionable steps to help you stay focused and motivated.

Seek Support and Accountability

Of course, making a change also requires sacrifice. It’s important to identify and weigh those potential sacrifices. For example, consider who you associate with on a regular basis. Are the people in your life helping or hindering your progress?

Reinventing yourself can be a lonely process, so you’ll want to surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and mentors who can offer guidance and encouragement. Consider joining a support or mastermind group or working with a coach or therapist to help you stay accountable and on track. You can also find accountability by tracking your progress and sharing it with others, such as an accountability partner or online community. However, at the end of the day, what progress you make is your responsibility, and yours alone. Whether you succeed or fail on that account lies squarely within your control.

Embrace Self-Care and Personal Development

Self-care is an essential component of personal transformation. Make time for activities that promote your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that enrich you and bring you joy. Invest in your education and seek new learning or skill-development opportunities to help you grow and develop.

Be Patient and Resilient

Change takes time and effort, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Don’t let setbacks discourage you. Instead, use them as opportunities to learn and grow. Remember to celebrate your progress and accomplishments along the way, and stay positive and focused on your goals.

Reflect and Reassess

Check with yourself and your goals periodically to ensure you’re on track. Don’t be afraid to reassess your goals and make changes as needed. Personal transformation is a continuous process, and it’s okay to adapt and evolve as you grow and change. Keep an open mind and be open to new opportunities and challenges as they arise.

Ready to Make a Career Change?

You may think you’re ready for a new career. But is that really what needs to change, or is there more to the situation? To understand what is truly happening in your life and how you may (or may not) need to change it, you first need to:

  • Understand your current position
  • Acknowledge you want to change it
  • Identify your opportunities
  • Seek alternate frames of reference to understand what you want to change
  • Surround yourself with people who have your back
  • Think about the long term

Doing what you’ve always done and making sure you’re comfortable is all well and good. But after enough time passes, that can become stagnant and stifling, contributing to a lack of personal and professional growth. A little discomfort now for a lifetime of contentment later means everything.

By understanding your current position, identifying your goals and desired legacy, and weighing the sacrifices you would have to make, you can take the first step toward becoming the best version of yourself.

If you’re looking for help as you make a career change, the Eighth Mile could be the solution. Learn more about our latest course: Reinvent Yourself.

 

Want to achieve your full potential?

Reinvent Yourself Today!

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