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Am I Self-Sabotaging? How To Tell and How To Stop

A frustrating day on the job can leave you wondering why things are so difficult. You might even wonder if you’re causing your own problems. Do you ever ask yourself, “Do I self-sabotage? Do I put myself in situations where I’m set up for failure?”

Self-sabotage is common, and for some, it’s a behavior and habit that’s hard to ignore, especially when it contributes to not achieving your goals or enjoying a happy, healthy lifestyle.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

You may realize you’re playing a part in your frustration or lack of progress, but you don’t have a name for it. Self-sabotage occurs when you create an obstacle that impacts your ability to reach a goal you’ve set. Some of the most common behaviors that could be classified as self-sabotage include:

  • Self-medication using alcohol or drugs
  • Procrastinating to accomplish tasks
  • Self-injury
  • Comfort eating
  • Making projects or tasks more complicated than they should be
  • Not taking action right away

Many people don’t recognize self-sabotaging behavior in themselves. But you may see the connection between your actions and behavior and the outcome over time. You might think, “If only I would have done it this way” or “I have to stop this!”

 

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Signs of Self-Sabotage: What Are They and How to Spot Them

Recognizing potential signs of self-sabotage can help you make better choices. If you’re actually engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, you can learn how to make changes to minimize negative outcomes. Here are some of the most common signs of self-sabotage:

Walking Away From a Problem

Some people become frustrated and give up instead of trying to determine what went wrong. This often means all the effort you put into a project is wasted. Look back on what happened. Did you put in the effort and follow the plan? Doubts about your ability could be a core reason you’re so willing to walk away instead of working on a solution.

Negative Self-Talk

One of the most common signs of self-sabotage is how you talk about yourself or the words you use when thinking about yourself. For example, statements such as “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m so stupid” often indicate a lack of faith and confidence.

Blaming Others

Quite commonly, people who self-sabotage blame others for what went wrong. It could be no one’s fault, but those who engage in this type of behavior often find someone to blame. Not being able to recognize your role in the situation and make healthier, better decisions in the future just repeats the pattern of poor outcomes.

Procrastination

Putting things off until the last minute is a type of self-sabotage. You might push a task or project to the side and look for other things that seem more important, or you may reach for anything as a distraction to avoid a difficult decision. Procrastination can be a sign of stress or worry, but it may also be a sign of doubting your ability or being unable to manage time wisely. Self-discipline isn’t an inborn trait; it’s a learned skill.

Boredom and Lack of Focus

In some situations, self-sabotage occurs for a very simple reason: You’re bored. You don’t like what you’re doing, it’s not intellectually or emotionally stimulating, and you can’t focus on it. It could be that you find someone on your team annoying. Maybe they’re pushing your buttons or not contributing, or maybe the task is just dull and boring. Regardless, not getting it done often means you’re self-sabotaging because you won’t finish the job or do it well.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

If you recognize any of these signs of self-sabotage, take a step back. You can fix this, and you can learn to master your ability to work through difficult situations to create a better outcome. Consider these strategies:

Stop Criticizing Yourself

Self-criticism doesn’t have an easy fix, but it’s critical to minimize it if you want to reach your long-term goals. Instead of saying or thinking negative things, spin them around into something good. You may want to say, “I am so bad at this.” Instead, say, “I don’t have the skills yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

Get More Confidence Through Education

In some cases, you’re unable to reach a goal because you lack the skills. Change that. Find a way to increase your skills, such as through a leadership course, or invest in a program that focuses on building confidence.

Master Procrastination-Busting Skills

It’s easier said than done, especially when your mind is going in numerous directions at one time. But stopping self-sabotage is all about becoming self-aware. When you notice yourself becoming distracted, stop, reflect, and get back on track. Use timers to help you zone in for a specific period to accomplish tasks. Stop thinking about what you have to do and force yourself to do it. It is possible to change your habits.

Build Confidence in Yourself

Imposter syndrome, as defined by Psychology Today, is often a form of self-sabotage. It’s the feeling that you can’t possibly do the job that only other people do, or that you’re a fake, a pretender. When you don’t feel the confidence to complete the project, manage the team, or run the business, ask yourself why. Do you need more training and development? Do you have evidence of past success that should spur confidence in your ability now? Remind yourself every day of what you’ve already accomplished.

Invest in Yourself to Overcome Limitations

Ask yourself this question and jot down the answer. “Do I self-sabotage?” If you’re setting yourself up for failure, identify the specific behaviors and change them for the better.

At The Eighth Mile, we offer solutions to help you reinvent yourself and achieve a better outcome. If you’re self-sabotaging, isn’t it about time to try something different? Reach out to us today and learn more about your best path forward.

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How Leaders Stay Calm Under Pressure

Leaders face monumental amounts of pressure every single day. Whether it’s the pressure of making important decisions, managing a team, or dealing with difficult conversations and situations, leaders must stay calm under pressure to succeed and keep the business moving forward.

Fortunately, there are some strategies that leaders can use to help stay calm under pressure when things get tough.

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The Key Mentality of Calm Leaders

The first step in developing a calm mindset is to recognize the mental difference between those who remain calm and those who don’t.

Those who take time to practice their ability to remain calm, even under intense pressure, become better equipped to deal with challenging situations. Leaders must learn to manage their emotions and think objectively about the situation before reacting negatively. This will help them stay calm under pressure and make the best decision for their team.

Leading with Stress vs. Leading with Calm

Let’s take a look at a couple of scenarios.

Tom is the CEO of a large international company. He has to make snap decisions daily and is constantly under pressure to deliver results. As the situation intensifies, he often becomes flustered and overwhelmed. His thoughts start running wild, and he starts to second-guess himself and his decisions. This often leads him to make mistakes, which in turn leads to more impulsive decisions that can be costly for the business in the long run.

On the other hand, Sandra is also a CEO of an international company, but she takes a much different approach to pressure-filled situations. She can stay focused and calm under pressure by taking a few deep breaths and gathering her thoughts before acting. She listens carefully to her employees and considers all the facts. Then, she takes responsibility for her choices and works hard to make sure her team is prepared for quick shifts in project direction. This approach allows her to make more informed decisions that often result in better outcomes for everyone.

Tom and Sandra both face the same amount of pressure, yet they react differently. So what sets them apart? Why can one stay calm under pressure while the other struggles?

Tom allows his emotions to take over in intense situations, while Sandra takes a step back and assesses the situation from multiple angles before reacting. As a result, she maintains a reputation of being one who stays focused and calm by thinking logically and objectively about the problem instead of allowing her emotions to take control.

3 Strategies Leaders Can Implement To Stay Calm Under Pressure

Now that we understand the difference between leaders who keep their cool and those who don’t, let’s look at some strategies that can help leaders stay level-headed in tough situations.

1) Take a Beat

When things get intense or overwhelming, it can be tempting to act quickly. That, however, can lead to mistakes. Instead, pause and take a few deep breaths to clear your head. This will help you stay focused and provide the clarity you will need in the steps ahead.

2) Think Logically

When faced with difficult situations, it is important to take the time to think logically and objectively in order to make informed decisions so you can stay calm under pressure. Here are some practical tips on how to think logically when the stakes are high:
  • Look at the Big Picture. It can be easy to become overwhelmed when faced with intense pressure, but it is important to take a step back and assess the situation.
  • Gather All the Facts. Make sure to gather all the information necessary before making any decisions. This will help you form a more objective view of the situation and make better-informed decisions.
  • Consider Multiple Solutions. Take some time to consider different angles and solutions for the problem. It is important to keep an open mind and evaluate all the options before choosing the best one.
  • Take Responsibility. Be prepared to take full accountability for your decisions. This will provide perspective on the decision in front of you and help guide you to the wisest choice.
  • Seek Support. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. Utilize the resources and knowledge of others in order to come up with a better solution and stay calm under pressure.

3) Develop Self-Awareness

The best way to stay calm under pressure is to be aware of your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in any given situation. Knowing how you react when things get tough can help you develop strategies that will help keep you grounded and focused. To help develop self-awareness, you could:
  • Make a list of the emotions you feel in pressure-filled situations.
  • Pay attention to your thoughts and how they influence your actions.
  • Notice your physical reactions (e.g., heart rate, breathing) when under pressure.
  • Be aware of any tendencies you have to overreact or shut down in difficult situations.
  • Reflect on how you handled past pressure-filled situations to identify any patterns or trends.

By utilizing these strategies, leaders can learn to stay calm under pressure and make better team decisions. Remember, it’s important to take the time to practice your ability to remain level-headed in challenging situations so that you can be well-prepared when the pressure is on.

Training Your Mind For Calm in Business and Calm in Life

Once you understand the mental difference between those who stay calm under pressure and those who don’t, it’s important to train your mind to stay calm. This can be done through mindfulness exercises like meditation and journaling that allow you to practice self-awareness, regulate emotions, and remain focused on the situation.

Exploring Positive Self Talk

To develop a calm mindset, leaders need to practice positive self-talk. This can be done by challenging negative thoughts about themselves and the situation with more positivity. For example, if a leader feels overwhelmed by the situation, they can tell themselves, “I can handle this,” or, “I am capable of finding a solution,” to help stay focused on the task at hand.

Practices for Relaxation

Another method of coping with pressure is to practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness. Deep breathing can help to slow down the heart rate and reduce stress levels. Meditation can help increase focus and clarity.  Both of these options help one to stay calm under pressure. Mindfulness practice is another way for leaders to bring their attention to the present moment rather than worrying about what has happened or will happen in the future.

Managing Distractions

It can be difficult for leaders to stay focused when there are so many distractions. To truly stay calm during overwhelming situations, leaders must manage their environment to avoid distractions and stay on task. This could include limiting access to certain websites or putting the phone away while working on important tasks.

Planning Ahead

In order to stay calm under pressure, Leaders should also plan as much as possible. By having a plan of action, they can better anticipate potential challenges and create strategies that help them remain calm when things don’t go according to plan. This will also help leaders be more prepared and confident in their decisions.

Seeking Support

Finally, leaders need to remember that they don’t have to be alone in dealing with the pressures of their job. They can reach out to colleagues and mentors for guidance or to talk things through. A support system can help leaders stay level-headed and focused when facing difficult situations.

In Conclusion

Being able to stay calm under pressure is a key skill for any leader. By understanding how your mind works and developing strategies to help you stay in control, you can make better decisions that will benefit the team. With practice and self-awareness, leaders can learn to manage stress and remain focused on the task. That way, you can be more prepared and confident when the pressure is on.

For more ways to learn about the most innovative leadership techniques of the day, check out our 8-week online leadership training course or get in touch with the Eighth Mile team to learn more.

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Reinvent Yourself, Part 3: Your Reinvention Roadmap

Do you ever wonder why you feel stagnant? Or alternatively, are you a kettle about to boil over? Have you ever considered learning how to reinvent yourself?

Part 3 in our Reinvent Yourself series discusses the role that motivation and discipline play in the reinvention process. Specifically, we’ll explore the difference between being driven by what we’re running from and being motivated by what we’re running toward.

We also introduce a reinvention strategy roadmap to help guide you while learning how to reinvent yourself. Whether you’re looking to make a major career change or simply want to refresh your personal goals, here you’ll find all the tools and insights you need to make meaningful progress toward your aspirations.

This is Part 3 in our 4-part Reinvent Yourself series.

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Motivation vs. Discipline

Part of learning how to reinvent yourself involves understanding motivation and discipline. Motivation and discipline are sometimes viewed as opposites, yet they’re also closely linked. But what do these terms mean, exactly?

Motivation is what drives you to take action.

Discipline is your ability to consistently follow through on that action, even when you don’t feel motivated.

A primary difference between motivation and discipline is:

  • Motivation is often driven by external factors, such as rewards or incentives. Motivation can come and go, and our moods, surroundings, and circumstances can influence it.
  • Discipline is an internal characteristic. Discipline is a trait that is built into the fabric of each person’s character. It helps us stick to our goals and commitments, even when facing obstacles or distractions.

As far as similarities, motivation and discipline both require:

  • Self-control
  • Determination
  • Setting clear goals
  • Planning to achieve those goals

Motivation and discipline are closely related and work together in tandem to help us achieve our goals. Motivation can provide the initial spark that gets us started, while discipline helps us stay the course and see things through to the end — no matter how bumpy the road might get.

But what actually drives you toward a goal — toward change — and what motivates you to keep chasing it? Understanding yourself and assessing your motives and discipline (or lack thereof) is crucial. The key to success is finding the balance between motivation and discipline. It’s important to have the initial drive to take action, but it’s equally important to have the discipline to focus and follow through. This is how you reinvent yourself by setting up long-term success and accomplishing the things you truly desire.

5-Step Reinvent Yourself Strategy — The Roadmap to Success

The concept of reinvention isn’t new; people and businesses have been reinventing themselves for centuries to adapt to and remain relevant in changing circumstances. However, in today’s fast-paced, constantly evolving social and business spheres, the need for reinvention has become even more pressing. Whether you’re an individual looking to pivot your career or a business owner trying to stay ahead of your competition, a clear, concise reinvention roadmap is crucial.

Step 1: Setting SMART Goals

You’ve likely heard this term before: SMART goals. But what does that mean? Why are they smart? SMART is an apropos name for this type of goal because they’re:

  • Specific: Can you visualize and describe exactly what you’re working toward and why it’s important in your overall reinvention plan? Be specific.
  • Measurable: Start with your desired result and work backward. What needs to happen right before you reach your goal? And right before that? Keep brainstorming each preceding event till you arrive where you are right now. Write each of these tasks or accomplishments in the correct order. You now have a specific goal, measurable in milestones.
  • Attainable: Review the milestones. Are they realistic tasks you can accomplish?
  • Relevant: Are your milestones (and your overall goal) relevant to your new direction? Your reinvented self?
  • Time-Bound: Set a date to accomplish the goal and ensure each milestone can realistically be achieved within that timeframe.

As you set and achieve goals, each act of completion rewards your motivation and improves your self-discipline.

Step 2: Incorporate Both Motivation and Discipline as Tools to Achieve These Goals

Motivation drives you to pursue goals and can come from internal or external sources, while discipline is your innate ability to follow through on those goals. Both motivation and discipline are essential in your reinvention journey.

Without motivation and discipline, it’s easy to get sidetracked or give up in the face of obstacles. Where your motivation and discipline meet is at the intersection of positive and negative reinforcement.

Motivation and positive reinforcement work hand in hand. you have a desire that’s pulling you toward a goal. Your desire to meet that goal is your motivation. As you meet small milestones along the way, you might reward yourself (positive reinforcement), which pushes you to keep going to the next milestone, and so on.

But sometimes, motivation fails. Perhaps you’ve become so bogged down in the day-to-day grind that you’ve lost sight of your goals. This is where discipline and a bit of negative reinforcement come into play. If you’ve lost sight of what you’re aiming for, remembering what you’re trying to run from may help. If you stop working toward your goal, what will happen? Will you fall back into back habits or land yourself in a bad situation? It’s not as pleasant as motivation, but this negative reinforcement can provide you with the extra boost you may need to refocus yourself on both what your goal is and why you’re trying to get there.

By following your reinvention roadmap, you can stay on track for achievement. And that’s easy to do if you’re consistently motivated, always working toward your goals, and ticking off the boxes on your way to achievement.

Step 3: Acknowledge Your Fears and Use Them to Stay Focused

It’s natural to feel fear or uncertainty when embarking on a journey of reinvention. However, it’s important to recognize that fears can hold you back from reaching your full potential. By acknowledging your fears and using them as motivation to stay focused, you can overcome any obstacles. Consider developing strategies for managing your fears, such as mindfulness techniques or seeking support from friends and loved ones. By actively addressing your fears, you can use them as tools to stay focused on achieving your reinvention goals.

Step 4: Accept Failure as a Learning Tool

No journey is without its setbacks and failures, and your road to reinvent yourself is no exception. Failure is a natural part of the process and can be an opportunity to learn and grow. By accepting failure as a learning tool, you can use it as a source of motivation to try again and do better next time. Reframe your perspective on failure and use it to set better goals, all while seeking feedback as you go.

Step 5: Celebrate the Small Wins

Understanding how to reinvent yourself and putting each step into motion can be challenging, but taking time to celebrate your progress and milestone accomplishments along the way is important. It helps you see that all your work isn’t for nothing. Recognizing and celebrating the small wins builds your momentum toward your larger goals. This can involve setting small, achievable milestones and taking time to appreciate how far you’ve come, no matter how small the accomplishment may seem.

Reinvent Yourself With Guidance from The Eighth Mile

Keep this reinvention roadmap top of mind as you learn how to reinvent yourself. For additional guidance, consider Eighth Mile Consulting’s Reinvent Yourself course. This comprehensive course covers everything you need to know to effectively change direction, reinvent yourself, and achieve your goals.

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The Eighth Mile Consulting – A One Year Snapshot

The Eighth Mile Consulting officially launched in January this year (2019) and our team has been on an exciting roller coaster ever since. Modeled on a belief of ‘Good People, Helping Good People’, we have stepped out into the world seeking to find positive people and support community serving projects.

The purpose of this report is to provide a mechanism to communicate all of the lessons we learnt along the journey so far. In doing so, we hope that it serves other teams and removes the need to learn the same mistakes the hard way. We also hope that it helps them to capitalise on opportunities which we have identified.

This follows a six-month report which we published in August this year, called “Our no BS review of The Eighth Mile Consulting – 6 Months in”. It also includes many lessons that might be of merit to others.

Snapshot

  • Our team has grown from 2 to 11 people.   
  • We have achieved our first-year brand recognition targets. 
  • We achieved our financial targets. 
  • We exceeded our organisational growth targets by 30%. 
  • We have set all the conditions for our next phase in 2020.

Now that we have that out of the way these are the lessons we learnt or have had reinforced throughout our short journey…

Lesson 1: Only supporting positive projects is financially viable

We have conclusively proven that supporting positive projects is a viable business methodology, but it requires consideration of a number of factors to remain sustainable.

Project funding models need to be discussed early in scoping stages and need to be leveraged off of a Return on Investment (ROI) for the customer. The customer needs to feel that they are supporting something which will provide a positive legacy for them, the community and their brand. But, it needs to be clear that the project is ‘for profit’ as we have staff to pay and administration costs to attend to.

Many positive industries are still in the early stages of development. This means that they have not yet fully embraced the idea of consulting being used in support of their existing organisational structures. This can make conversations difficult when trying to find middle ground that will ensure value for both organisations, whilst also delivering positive projects.

The best approach is to be clear, transparent and upfront about everyone’s expectations.

Lesson 2: Plan to scale and grow quickly

All the strategies in the world will not determine how it plays out on the ground. Always have a reserve or something in the back pocket in order to deal with unforeseen contingencies.

We spent significant time preparing a methodology for scaling our services, based on a number of growth assumptions. As it turns out, what we thought were ambitious growth targets were only half of what was required in reality (a good problem to have). A rapid increase in demand required that our strategy be accelerated in areas in order to accommodate the number of projects which were required in a short time.

We are now in a great place with good projects and initiatives in the pipeline, supported by a proportionately growing staff pool. For the meantime we have found the right balance, but admittedly there were some late nights trying to figure out how we can ensure services were provided to the standard we hold ourselves to.

Lesson 3: Leave your ego & pride at the door. Don’t go down with a sinking ship.

It is not always clear what initiatives will land and which ones will not. Linking back to our military careers there was a popular saying among leaders, “time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted”. The same rings true in business.

The time spent conceptualising new ideas, creating a plan for market, and then probing out to determine its value is essential in ensuring your relevance with other client organisations.

This being said, do not put all your eggs in one basket, and do not keep whipping a dead horse. Probing, by its very nature, is used to confirm, validate or deny facts and assumptions. If the data comes back that it isn’t worth the continued effort in a certain area. Stop, learn/adapt, reorientate, and then move again.

Lesson 4: The Sunshine Coast is very difficult to establish in.

One of our aims has been to base The Eighth Mile Consulting out of the Sunshine Coast in Queensland Australia. The reasons for this were based around a growing economy, an acceptance of small businesses, lifestyle, community, technology advancements and great infrastructure.

As it turns out the vast majority of our clients are based in Brisbane. It has been very difficult to break into the cliques associated with the Sunshine Coast despite many efforts to find relevance in the community. In many ways we have found it easier to provide services to other countries such as the USA.

Our company is very keen to support The Sunshine Coast in a more formal capacity but something is going to have to give. It might be a matter of time and pressure making diamonds, but it also might be a venture which is not viable long term. Time will tell.

Not known for stalling, we have a number of initiatives we will test. Depending on the viability of the outcomes we will make decisions whether to officially base our efforts out of Brisbane or Sunshine Coast.

Lesson 5: Build a high performing team, and clients will magnetise towards it.

We are fortunate in that we have access to a unique pool of extremely high performing leaders in which to create our staff base. We have made a deliberate choice to grow the team, prior to knowing all the problems. In doing so, we have actively sourced people which we trust, and we know can deliver incredible services to organisations that need it the most.

The beauty of having access to such people is that they are able to remain flexible and adapt their style, approach and methodology to suit the client and the target audience. The second advantage is that the more high performers we draw into the pool, the more appetising it is for other candidates who may have been fence sitting prior. In essence, it generates its own momentum and energy.

Lesson 6: We remain methodology agnostic

From our inception we have been, and remain, project methodology agnostic.

Due to our tertiary qualifications and history of project management we have developed a strong understanding of different project methodologies. We can use them if requested/required, but you will not see us heavily pushing a specific approach.

Instead, we are strong advocates on developing customised solutions for clients after listening intensively to their stories and determining their needs. We do not subscribe to a one solution fits all approach and we will continue to work under this design. It works for our clients, and it works for us.

Lesson 7: Keep having fun

Throughout this journey we have grown our team, fought through the challenges and have done so with a big smile on our faces. We revel in the complexity and the uncertainty and it has only served to cement many of our friendships in even stronger foundations.

We enjoy going to work and being around our team. We learn and professionally develop from each other and we are good at what we do. I can’t wait to bring in some more equally positive people to the company.

Lesson 8: Continue removing single points of failure

Until now there has been a misconception that The Eighth Mile Consulting team is the ‘Dave and Jono’ experience. This is a perception we need to rectify, as we feel it directly undermines the amazing work being provided by our ever-growing team.

Significant effort will be placed in the next cycle to demonstrate the amazing and unique skillsets which our team provide on a daily basis.

The plan moving forward

Keep trying to find good people by teaming up and partnering with more like-minded and motivated individuals, teams and organisations. 

Continue to scale our services into new industries (watch this space). 

Continue to find our relevance in the Sunshine Coast until it becomes overtly obvious that it is no longer viable. 

Continue supporting veterans, emergency services and first responders as part of an enduring effort across multiple projects. 

Continue to organically grow our follower base on Linkedin without the use of sending requests from the Company page. We believe in creating a community of people who want to be involved, not those who felt pressured to join us. 

Continue growing our team at a rate commensurate with our service demand. 

Continue providing value for free online platforms like LinkedIn, websites and Business magazines in order to help other people, whilst concurrently demonstrating our team’s knowledge base. 

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