Am I Self-Sabotaging? How To Tell and How To Stop

A frustrating day on the job can leave you wondering why things are so difficult. You might even wonder if you’re causing your own problems. Do you ever ask yourself, “Do I self-sabotage? Do I put myself in situations where I’m set up for failure?”

Self-sabotage is common, and for some, it’s a behavior and habit that’s hard to ignore, especially when it contributes to not achieving your goals or enjoying a happy, healthy lifestyle.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

You may realize you’re playing a part in your frustration or lack of progress, but you don’t have a name for it. Self-sabotage occurs when you create an obstacle that impacts your ability to reach a goal you’ve set. Some of the most common behaviors that could be classified as self-sabotage include:

• Self-medication using alcohol or drugs
• Procrastinating to accomplish tasks
• Self-injury
• Comfort eating
• Making projects or tasks more complicated than they should be
• Not taking action right away

Many people don’t recognize self-sabotaging behavior in themselves. But you may see the connection between your actions and behavior and the outcome over time. You might think, “If only I would have done it this way” or “I have to stop this!”

Signs of Self-Sabotage: What Are They and How to Spot Them

Recognizing potential signs of self-sabotage can help you make better choices. If you’re actually engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, you can learn how to make changes to minimize negative outcomes. Here are some of the most common signs of self-sabotage:

Walking Away From a Problem

Some people become frustrated and give up instead of trying to determine what went wrong. This often means all the effort you put into a project is wasted. Look back on what happened. Did you put in the effort and follow the plan? Doubts about your ability could be a core reason you’re so willing to walk away instead of working on a solution.

Negative Self-Talk

One of the most common signs of self-sabotage is how you talk about yourself or the words you use when thinking about yourself. For example, statements such as “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m so stupid” often indicate a lack of faith and confidence.

Blaming Others

Quite commonly, people who self-sabotage blame others for what went wrong. It could be no one’s fault, but those who engage in this type of behavior often find someone to blame. Not being able to recognize your role in the situation and make healthier, better decisions in the future just repeats the pattern of poor outcomes.

Procrastination

Putting things off until the last minute is a type of self-sabotage. You might push a task or project to the side and look for other things that seem more important, or you may reach for anything as a distraction to avoid a difficult decision. Procrastination can be a sign of stress or worry, but it may also be a sign of doubting your ability or being unable to manage time wisely. Self-discipline isn’t an inborn trait; it’s a learned skill.

Boredom and Lack of Focus

In some situations, self-sabotage occurs for a very simple reason: You’re bored. You don’t like what you’re doing, it’s not intellectually or emotionally stimulating, and you can’t focus on it. It could be that you find someone on your team annoying. Maybe they’re pushing your buttons or not contributing, or maybe the task is just dull and boring. Regardless, not getting it done often means you’re self-sabotaging because you won’t finish the job or do it well.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

If you recognize any of these signs of self-sabotage, take a step back. You can fix this, and you can learn to master your ability to work through difficult situations to create a better outcome. Consider these strategies:

Stop Criticizing Yourself

Self-criticism doesn’t have an easy fix, but it’s critical to minimize it if you want to reach your long-term goals. Instead of saying or thinking negative things, spin them around into something good. You may want to say, “I am so bad at this.” Instead, say, “I don’t have the skills yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

Get More Confidence Through Education

In some cases, you’re unable to reach a goal because you lack the skills. Change that. Find a way to increase your skills, such as through a leadership course, or invest in a program that focuses on building confidence.

Master Procrastination-Busting Skills

It’s easier said than done, especially when your mind is going in numerous directions at one time. But stopping self-sabotage is all about becoming self-aware. When you notice yourself becoming distracted, stop, reflect, and get back on track. Use timers to help you zone in for a specific period to accomplish tasks. Stop thinking about what you have to do and force yourself to do it. It is possible to change your habits.

Build Confidence in Yourself

Imposter syndrome, as defined by Psychology Today, is often a form of self-sabotage. It’s the feeling that you can’t possibly do the job that only other people do, or that you’re a fake, a pretender. When you don’t feel the confidence to complete the project, manage the team, or run the business, ask yourself why. Do you need more training and development? Do you have evidence of past success that should spur confidence in your ability now? Remind yourself every day of what you’ve already accomplished.

Invest in Yourself to Overcome Limitations

Ask yourself this question and jot down the answer. “Do I self-sabotage?” If you’re setting yourself up for failure, identify the specific behaviors and change them for the better.

At The Eighth Mile, we offer solutions to help you reinvent yourself and achieve a better outcome. If you’re self-sabotaging, isn’t it about time to try something different? Reach out to us today and learn more about your best path forward.

David Neal