If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that the articles here tend to focus on leadership, group dynamics, projects, resilience, and communication. This article is different. Instead of focusing on the team dynamic, we will shift our attention to the individual–specifically, to those who feel as if life is holding their heads underwater.
Recently there has been an incredible influx of people seeking our help and assistance in the form of individual coaching. In most cases, they have been triggered by a LinkedIn post, podcast, or article that has pointed out a deficit or dissatisfaction they have. The most common complaints we receive involve at least one of the following:
- A lack of direction
- An inability to maintain meaningful relationships
- Frustration in determining what one’s priorities consist of
- A subtle but consistent straying from one’s values
- Resilience refocusing
In nearly all cases, the individual believes they have exhausted their own ability to fix their problems. They are seeking an objective, external force to act as a circuit breaker for their dysfunctional thought processes. Thus, they turn to the concept of individual coaching.
But that move might be premature. In almost all instances, the person has been operating within a suite of assumptions and beliefs that are not serving them (or the people around them) well. Adjusting some of those thought processes first will lay the groundwork to make any future individual coaching even more fruitful.
Before You Begin Individual Coaching
Prior to enrolling in customized or individual coaching sessions, there are three concepts you should get comfortable with first. For some of you, these three ideas might be all you need to get yourself on the right track. For others, the structured guidance of individual coaching might still be needed.
1) Be of Service
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
– Mahatma Ghandi
You may have heard this before, but it bears repeating: Life is not all about you.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that frowns upon criticism, promotes a scarcity mentality, and accepts ‘the blame game’ and fingerpointing instead of demanding accountability. What this amounts to is disconnection on a major scale. So many people are without direction because all their energy is invested in service of themselves.
If you want direction, the easiest place to start is by finding a worthy cause. If you want to cut off the internal rehashing of your own problems, invest that precious time towards solving someone else’s. They might even return the favor one day, which could provide that outsider’s perspective you’re looking for.
2) Own Your Decisions. ALL of Them.
Life is the sum of all your choices.
– Albert Camus
Every situation demands choice, and each choice will result in a different outcome. In some cases, our choices might include a decisive action (take a new job or not, stay in a team or not, go left or right).
In other cases, though we might not have control over the action, we can still choose to reframe how we view it.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
– Viktor Frankl
The moment we feel we are without choices is the moment we become truly powerless. But that’s the thing: no matter what the situation, we are never without a choice. You always have with you the tools that need to claim your power.
Ironically, this can be a somewhat scary proposition. It means that you are where you are because of your previous choices, and where you go depends on what choices you make from here. If you have power over every choice, whether active or reactive, then you, and you alone, bear the responsibility for their results.
3) Prepare to Sacrifice
The price of excellence is discipline. The cost of mediocrity is disappointment.
– William Arthur Ward
If you want to effect significant change in your life, you need to be willing to invest significantly in the outcome. Whether that is time, money, energy, or vulnerability, this investment will take commitment.
Do not be lazy when it comes time to do the hard work. To make your self-improvement a priority, you will likely have to move other things down the to-do list. You might also have to endure some unpleasant things, such as:
- Physically or emotionally stressful circumstances
- Removing toxic people from your life
- Learning new skills
- Spending money on personal development (such as individual coaching)
- Disappointing people if you determine certain projects are no longer in line with your priorities
- Committing to late nights and early mornings
- Being honest with others so that they might help you out of your rut
Whatever is needed or required for you to refocus your life, you are the one behind the wheel. Will you take the smooth, easy road, or will you venture into untraveled terrain? In other words, what comforts are you willing to give up in order to get where you want to go?
Next Steps: Individual Coaching with The Eighth Mile
The areas of service, choice, and sacrifice can and should be custom-fitted to each person’s circumstances. However, based on our experience at The Eighth Mile, adopting a mentality geared toward service and accountability is a proven step in the right direction.
If you feel you still need assistance in the form of individual coaching, please reach out to us and we will be happy to discuss your circumstances further. Other areas that often require attention include:
- Letting go of resentment
- Priority and goal-setting
- Building rapport with others
- Communicating with empathy
- Leadership skills
If you want a training experience that mirrors the classroom but can still be conducted on your own schedule, then you may benefit from our 8-week online leadership training course, which includes several individual coaching sessions in addition to training modules and virtual workshops.
Whatever path you take from here, remember that no matter what the situation, you are never powerless. Whether through action or reaction, the choice is always yours to make.
David Neal
David Neal Is a leader, strategist, founder, project and change manager, as well as a practical consultant for clients such as the ADA NSW, University of Sydney, Australian Defence Force, Prescare, RSL Queensland, MedReleaf, and KPMG. He is one of the authors of ‘Growing Good Leaders’ which focuses on developing high performing teams and running projects. He travels throughout Australia and overseas helping others to simplify the complex. His time serving in the military has provided him with vast experience in leadership, complex problem solving, project and risk management. He has chosen mateship, family and helping good people as his path.
The Eighth Mile Consulting 
The Eighth Mile Consulting 
Thank you for your insight. Recently health issues slowed down my usual 18 hour purpose filled career. I find I enjoy being the person that listens and points people to where they can ignite their passion in life. Often it is trauma and bullying that smashes their confidence blocking that road. Learning to use conflict resolution skills often is the key to help them take back the passion that they have given control to someone else.
This is a great addition to the topic and the conversation. Thank you for taking the time to include it. Keep up the amazing work!